Sitting on Top of the World
by MQDK
Summary: Castiel seeks hope in the sky. Instead he finds answers in the dirt.


_So, this just came to me, after waking up after way to much sleep. It's my first Supernatural thing, it's not been beta'ed and I'm a terrible speller. Still, I had a need to post it, somehow. Hope you'll have a gander at it, and hopefully, you wont gag to much over it. If you feel any nausea from reading it, go to the toilet, extreme diarrhea may also be a side effect. Again, take it to the bathroom, don't throw it after me. If you don't like it, please keep it to your self, I'm extremely vulnerable when it comes to my writings._

_Anyway, just to be clear, I don't own Castiel or Dean or Sam or Bobby or anything. If I did, there would be a helluva it more smiting from Cas, more singing from Dean and more pouting from a shoe-less Sam._

_On with it. _

**Sitting on top of the world.**

Castiel knew, hoped, that if there were one place left in the world, _this_ world, where his Father would hear him, this was the place. A human would had been freezing to death getting here, but Cas was not a human. And that was why he was here in the first place.  
He was a soldier, a warrior of God Almighty, doing His bidding, and he had done so since the beginning of days.  
He had always been good at it, following orders. He didn't know how to do anything else. He had been guided by the omnipresence, of the all consuming existence of God. He had never felt anything. If he had, Cas would had felt happiness.

But now, God had cursed him, and Castiel didn't understand why. He suddenly cared for other then God and His ways.

Suddenly, he cared about the humans under his protection.

Suddenly, it mattered to him personally, what Michael and Lucifer did with their vessels.

Their destined meat suites.

Suddenly, it bothered Castiel, what he had known since his birth, since the Creation. That Lucifer would rise and that Michael would fight him back into Hell. That the world would come to an end and that Earth would rise again, in a new time with a new chance for the next race.

The humans would be no more. They had had their chance and they had blown it.

Before, that was enough for Castiel, because that was his Fathers plan. That was what He had told Castiel, back when God still talked to his Angels.  
Now, he was quiet and not there. He was...no, he was not lost, Castiel would not accept that. But he was not here either, the angel had to realize that.

He sat down on a bench, on top of the world. The blizzard around him slowed down and settled as he looked up at the sky. The clouds disappeared and the sun shone down on the glittering new snow.

A tiny flicker of hope was sparkled in the angel:

Was it a sign? Was He there? Castiel closed his eyes and tried to feel that old familiar glow in his chest, the warm calm that fell upon him in His presence. There was something there, but Castiel wasn't sure it was God. It was something he had felt before, something he couldn't identify as God, but it was defiantly love.

Castiel tried again, harder this time. Maybe if he just asked...

"What have I done wrong, Father? Why have You cursed me? I have done nothing but following your bidding and wish, and yet I don't understand these...feelings, I'm suddenly have been bestowed with."

Castiel, the angel, was struggling with his words, with his feelings. His new feelings.

"Have I not always followed your orders? Have I not always followed your plan and done everything in my powers to follow your words? And now," he sighed. "now everything comes to pieces, because of me. " He looked up again and a sudden outburst of anger made him stand up and shout,  
"Why have you done this to me!" no answer, which wasn' t surprising to Cas.

What was surprising to the angel, was his anger. He had never before felt anger, and now it was there, directed against God of all in the universe.  
The next surprise was that he was still there. God hadn't smitten him, returned him to heaven. He was still in Jimmy's body, on Earth.

"Give me a sign" Castiel whispered, at the point of breaking.

Nothing.

He sat down again, looking around at this wonderful place. His Fathers creation.  
It was of cause beautiful. Empty. To cold for anything to live and prosper. What was it all there for? Castiel looked down between his vessels feet. He swallowed a lump in his throat, feeling lost.

What was he supposed to do now? The obvious thing would be to stay on his mission, ignoring his feelings towards the Winchester boys and Bobby Singer. Yeah, cause that always ends well, he could hear a familiar voice in his head say. Jimmy, he was still there, a bit more sarcastic then he had been at first, but still committed to the cause. Castiel was grateful for the company.

He stood up, ready to leave, realizing that his Father had left him.

He felt crushed.

He took a step and felt something under his boot and he looked down. A black leather string stuck out from under his boot and he stepped to the side and hunched down to inspect the object. A rush of warmth flowed through him as he recognized the little metal amulet in the leather string. He had been trusted it by Dean Winchester, to find God. Castiel had guarded it with his life, had it in his trouser pocket, feeling it's presence all the time. It hadn't worked as it was supposed. He hadn't found God.

And now, it was on the ground, half stepped down in the iced dirt on top of Mount Everest.

Castiel dug it up.

How had it ended up on the ground? He was sure he hadn't touched it after arriving to Nepal.

Suddenly he knew, as clearly as anything he had ever felt. It was his Father, showing him his presence. It didn't glow or sparkle or anything, but it was Him, Castiel was sure. But, He was still not answering his question: what had he done to deserve this?

But maybe, it was a guide stone. Keep up with the mission, guard the vessels, keep Sam and especially Dean, safe, until the Battle. Cas looked up at the sky. He understood what he had to do, he still had his mission.

No answers, but God did work in mysterious ways. It was not his place to know why.

He pocketed the amulet and looked around one last time.

Then he left.


End file.
